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Friday, February 4, 2011

Life goes on.

So here I am, 48+ hours after hearing the news. I feel like I am starting to get my emotions somewhat under control, although I still have occasional meltdowns throughout the day. I think I have just hit the Numb Auto-Pilot stage - I am going through the motions of doing what needs to be done. Regardless of what is going on in my head, I still have 5 kids to take care of, and with them comes their laundry and their baths and feeding them and getting them to school and all of that fun stuff. I have been trying to maintain some sense of normalcy, but it hasn't been easy.

I don't even really know what to say tonight. I feel lost. I spent most of the day working for a lady who just got out of the hospital, doing some laundry and housekeeping for her, and the rest of the day was spent running kids back and forth to school and dealing with my own household stuff. Or, I should probably say avoiding my own household stuff. My house is trashed. I mean, really trashed. I have been in such a fog that the kids have torn just about every toy out of the toy box, there is still laundry all over the place (would you believe that I am sitting on a pile of laundry that somehow ended up on my chair?), and there is a massive amount of dishes to do. I just can't bring myself to do any of it, but I have made up my mind that as soon as I post this, I'm going to get to it. I will put a stupid movie in and get to work.

The weekend will continue as usual. Up early tomorrow for basketball games, then back home with all of the kids. I have to try to convince my girls to clean their room as my oldest is having a friend come to spend the night and I will not tolerate their room looking the way that it does now. My 5 year old is going with his father tomorrow for at least part of the weekend, and then up early again on Sunday to send the three oldest to church with their father while I take the youngest to church with me, and then a dinner at the church after the service. So maybe, just maybe, I can have some quiet time Sunday afternoon with just my youngest, who is generally more than content to watch Thomas the Tank Engine movies and play with his trains.

I'm still feeling just totally overwhelmed by this whole thing. I got information from the family today about the funeral arrangements, and then found out that I was given wrong information - really? Was that necessary? Maybe it was just a mistake, but somehow I doubt it. I just need to let it roll off of me and let it go, but I really hate evil spiteful petty BS like that. It's stupid and a waste of energy.

Anyway....*sigh*....I need to get to work. Maybe if just clean up a little bit real quick, I can still be in bed before midnight. That'll give me about 7 hours to sleep - more than I've gotten in the last 2 days combined.

This sucks.

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