Now that the fog in my head is starting to lift and I have analyzed everything that has happened in the past couple of years or more to the point that it just can't be analyzed anymore, I realize that I need to get on with my life. I'm not "over it" - I don't know that I ever will be - but I also know that as a single mother who is trying to survive, I have to start to function again. I have to live.
There are so many things that I want to do. I have so many goals, but so many of them seem so hard to reach right now. Some are small, some are huge. And these are in no order, other than the order that I am thinking of them.
1. I want to get the house completely and totally cleaned up and organized - I still have so much crap in here that I need to get rid of, but I just haven't done it yet.
2. I need to get ready for this half-marathon. I have put 7 pounds back on this past week (thank you stress and Mother Nature, you little brat) and I just can't keep going up and down like that.
3. Along with the half-marathon deal, I just need to be healthier in general. OK, I know that it's a morbid thought, but now if anything were to happen to me, my youngest son would be lost. I have to keep myself healthy, for all of my kids and especially for him. And with no health insurance, I need to pay better attention to what I eat and what I do to my body.
4. Finances. Yeah, my finances suck. I really need to focus on that, but I'm not even going to go into detail there. Way too depressing. Maybe once I get my taxes filed, I'll feel better about that situation.
5. Crafty stuff - My ultimate dream is still to have a little shop of my own with my craft stuff, and to actually make a living at it. I know that at this point it's a pipe dream, but it's still a dream. So I will keep putzing around doing stuff here and there and selling it here and there and just enjoy being able to do it when I can.
Those are the main ones that I can think of right now but I know that there are so many more. But for now, my goals for this once-again snowy Tuesday include things like getting the kids dressed, getting my 5 year old to preschool (if it's open), cleaning things up around the house, figuring out something for dinner, possibly running up the road to take care of my lady that I help out when I can (going to depend on the roads on that one), getting my taxes filed (or at least started), and doing the usual laundry/dishes/scrubbing that needs to be done.
Like I said, I'm not over it. Not even close. But I know that I have to get past it. So, I'm going to go put a pot of coffee on, see if I can warm up a bit, and get started on the little things that will make me feel like I'm getting back on track.
And try not to focus on the fact that the funeral is going on right now.