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Monday, January 2, 2012

What motivates me?

This is a question that has been posed to me many times, in many different forms.

~ How do you do it?
~ How do you get it all done?
~ How do you keep going?
~ Do you ever sleep/How do you survive on so little sleep?
~ Isn't it hard to do it all alone?
~ What motivates you?

I've been thinking about this all day, trying to come up with a simple answer. But the truth is, there is no simple answer.

Over the years, I have battled with what I am sure is depression - I've never actually been officially diagnosed, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out, especially after the amount of time that I have spent analyzing and over-analyzing every aspect of my life. Since I have never been officially diagnosed, I am not on any medication for it - I have just learned to deal with it.

Some days are easier than others. Some days totally suck. Pair the depression with PMDD and it can turn into an ugly ride at times. There have been days in the past where even getting out of bed - no, even opening my eyes - was just not something that I wanted to do.

Luckily, over time, I've learned how to deal with it much better. The lows are nowhere near as low as they used to be. But at those low times, if someone had told me that people would eventually be asking me for motivational tips, I would have just given them a blank stare, because laughing in their face would have taken too much effort.

Honestly, on those lower-than-low days, motivation was hard to find. I'd get a shower because I honestly couldn't stand the way that I smelled anymore - how's that for a glamorous bit of motivational speaking? "Take a shower, or you'll stink!" But seriously, that's what it all boiled down to for me.

As I started to pull myself out of the funk, I started using lots of little tricks to keep myself going in the right direction. I am the queen of lists. I used to make lists of everything that I needed to do in a day - but it wasn't something like this:


That list doesn't look too bad, does it? But at the low points in my life, the thought of doing "laundry" was too overwhelming. I didn't know where to start.

So instead, my lists looked more like this:


I broke everything down into the smallest steps that I could possibly do. I did this because it was easier to cross off each individual step as I completed it - and then, when I got done with the WHOLE thing, I took great enjoyment in crossing the entire task off of the list.

Sometimes, it took me hours to make the lists. I would lay in bed the night before and develop them. Sometimes I even posted them online in a group that I was in at the time - I know for a fact that it annoyed people, but it helped to have some accountability to others. They could see how much progress I made or didn't make on that particular day.

Another trick I used at the same time (and still do, sometimes) is to set a timer. On the bad days, I'd set it for as short as 5 minutes - on the better days, up to an hour. But whatever the time period was, I'd pick a task and focus on that task and that task only until the timer sounded. I'd turn it into a race against myself, to see how much laundry I could fold or how many dishes I could do (or whatever it was) and most of the time, even after the timer went off, I kept going until I finished the task. I still do that to this day when I just don't feel like getting myself moving.

Nowadays, since my life seems to have straightened out a bit a lot, I don't have to rely on those tricks quite so much - although I do still use them when I'm having a bad day. While I don't use the timer so much, I know that I have a certain amount of time to myself in the afternoon when Daniel is in school, and so I have exactly that much time to get things done - whether it's the laundry, or grocery shopping, or working on a craft project. I know that the only time that I can generally get anything done is when the kids aren't around or when they're sleeping - so I use those times to the fullest.

When people ask me what keeps me going, the only answer that I can truthfully say is "the kids". I know that no matter how crappy I feel, no matter how bad of a day I am having, my number one priority is to take care of those kids. I have no choice on that one. I can't stay in bed and sulk all day - if I do, they'll likely burn the house down without a second thought. I have to get up just to ensure their safety, if nothing else. And well, while I'm up, I might as well throw in a load of laundry and wash the dishes, and well, you get the point....

The kids are my number one priority. And being a single mother, I know that if I don't do what needs to be done around here, no one else is going to do it. It doesn't matter if I'm sick - I have to get up and do what needs to be done around here. There isn't anyone else to pick up the slack. Honestly, I don't look at the majority of what I do as being the result of motivation - I look at it as a means of survival.

If I don't go out and buy groceries, no one else is going to do it.
If I don't do the laundry, no one else is going to do it.
If I don't take the kids back and forth to school, no one else is going to do it.

Another really good way to get me to accomplish something? Tell me that I can't do it - that I'm not capable of it. I have always enjoyed walking and hiking, and I had mentioned to someone (who shall remain nameless) a few years ago that I would like to start running. What did he say?

"You're too fat and lazy to do that." Yep. That's what I was told. So guess what? As soon as I got the hip replaced and felt strong enough, I started walking. And then it snowballed from there and I've now got a half-marathon and 3 5Ks under my belt. So there.

And now I have set a goal for myself to do one race per month for this entire year. I sat down last night and dug around online and found 7 or 8 that I can theoretically do (including the same half-marathon from last year and a 5K that I do with the girls every year) and I'm going to try my hardest to get them all in, if at all possible. Financially, I might not be able to do them all, but what I'm thinking is that if I don't have the money to do one, I can just do it on my own - start running and time it and see what I can accomplish. Having goals like that - actual events and dates on the calendar - is a huge help for me.

Having The Dude around has been an enormous help. I don't want him - or anyone for that matter - walking into my house when it's trashed. So before he comes over, I run around cleaning things up so that he can walk through the house without killing himself. Yes, he helps when he is here but he doesn't have to - and I don't want him to feel like he has to do anything. I know that part of that is the control freak in me, but I also just don't want him or anyone else who is a guest in my home to feel like they need to help me get things done around here.

So there you have it. What motivates me, the tricks that I've learned, and things that have helped me. I don't know if it will help anyone else, but if it does, great. I'd also love to hear from others on the subject - give me your tips and tricks, what has worked and what hasn't. Leave a comment here, post it on my facebook page, whatever - it might help me and it might help someone else who is going through a rough time.

18 comments:

  1. Motivation... something I struggle with myself, I have to admit. Sometimes, I even go as far as procrastination.

    It's an idea I've had to get in my head that I must motivate, because no one else is going to do things for me. Additionally, since my mother had the stroke, I've come to realize that I need to take on these new responsibilities, because there are simply things that need done, that she can no longer accomplish on her own.
    I think I've gotten better, but definitely have a long road to hoe on this topic.

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  2. I'm such a slacker. You are a goddess. You will never be anything but amazing to me. From day one. Love your honesty and your lists. And that there are better days now. YOU motivate me. Xo

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  3. Amy! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I have told you before how inspirational you are. You know what motivates me? YOU DO! You are awesome girl and I am proud of the things you have ovetcome over the past sevetal years I have known you. NOW, I am going to take your tips and tricks, apply them to my mess of a life and if I come out half as strong as you are, I will be good with that. : )

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  4. Kerry - you know I'm here to help you with those things, too. We've talked about this once or twice - maybe between the two of us, we can get everything done that needs to be done in both houses! :)

    Katy - I love you, girlfriend. You have amazed me from the first day that I stumbled onto your blog and to have you say that is an honor to me. I admire you so much for everything that you've been through! <3

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  5. Lori - you know I'm here for you, any time you need me! And if I have to give you a real-life kick in the butt when I see you in a few weeks, I will! <3

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  6. Yes, my sweet amy. We've made discussions of teamwork a regular conversation, between your household and my own.

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  7. thank you for this :)
    i will try some of your tricks!!

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  8. GOOD NIGHT AMY. I'M WORNED OUT JUST READING THIS POST. I STILL COULDN'T KEEP UP WITH YOU. EVEN THOUGH I USED TO MOW TWO ACRES OF LAND TWICE A WEEK PLUS, ALL THE THINGS YOU DO.PLUS KEEP ALL THE SWIMMING POOLS WE'VE HAD IN THE DIFFERANT HOMES CLEANED.ALSO TOOK CARE OF ALL THE FLOWER GARDENS.DROVE THE KIDS HERE AND THERE. THEN WAS THEN AND THIS IS NOW.

    DID YOU SAY IF SOMEONE TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T DO SOMETHING YOU'D DO IT. WELL YOU CAN'T COME HERE AND CLEAN MY HOUSE AND WASH ALL MY WINDOWS INSIDE AND OUT.ALSO I BET YOU COULDN'T CLEAN ALL MY FLOORS. LOL.KEEP THE STORIES COMING.I LOVE THEM.

    GRANNY HUGS TO THE KIDS.

    GRANNY

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  9. WORE OUT NOT WORNED OUT. BRAIN F///.

    GRANNY

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  10. Hi. No idea how I found your blog, but the more I read, the more grateful I am that I did. I struggle with depression, also. I'm diagnosed and on meds (thank God for meds!!), but its still a struggle. It gets so hard to even open my eyes in the morning sometimes. Like you, some days the ONLY thing that gets me going is knowing that my children are depending on me.

    I appreciate this post because I've been struggling with just getting the basics done. I'm flat sick of living this way. Kids are taken care of but the house is usually a disaster area and meals are decided on the fly. I'm so tired of it.

    Might sound odd, but I want to thank you for being an inspiration to me. I'm not making resolutions for this year, but I am setting goals. I'm breaking the things that need doing down to the details, much like the lists you talked about in this post.

    Pffft. I hardly ever talk, but once I start stopping me takes a semi-truck! One more thing and I'll leave you alone... thank you. Thank you for being you and, more than that, for sharing yourself in the way that you do.

    Joanna

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  11. LOL Granny, you buy the plane ticket, and I'll prove you wrong! You think I'd pass up Florida for another winter in Kansas?

    Joanna - I don't even know what to say. Your comment means the world to me - to know that I've touched someone makes the hours spent in front of the computer worth it. I admit that posts like this generally wear me out - I'm not good with baring my soul - but I'm so glad that I did if it helped you in even the tiniest bit. Thank you so much for commenting, and I hope that you'll stick around. *hugs*

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  12. ...my family motivates me! I've struggled with depression and addiction for years. I reached a point, too, that I was unable to get out of bed much less shower...'it' dominated my life. I finally sought help. I make sure that I do not isolate; I am grateful to have family and friends that help me with that one. I exercise and recently made a decision to change my eating habits for the better...I no longer keep it a secret!

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  13. Wow, that's all I know to say. It's like you are here in my head. People ask me the same things and I just say you do what you have to do. Thank you so much! It does help knowing somebody out there really knows what it is like. I could never write it as well heck I don't even think I could think it as well as you have. Again thank you. I think I'm gonna print this and hang it by my bathroom mirror so I see it every morning when I force myself up. Thanks again!

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  14. Love this! I also struggle with depression (and anxiety)...and I make lists like this too! So glad I am not the only one!

    I have also used "Flylady.net"....I would get these random emails telling me to go clean out a drawer for 15 minutes, or pick up 10 things, etc. Often I ignored the messages, but there were many times those simple emails got me up and doing something too!

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  15. Love it...and I absolutely loved your lists...I used to be more of the detailed list type and then I'd go off on a tangent and just add to my list all day instead of crossing stuff off. Now I am too disorganized to find the lists I make..it's a vicious circle. Nice job on the 1/2 marathon and 5 ks. Look out - crazy runners will start pressuring you to do the full marathon..nothing is ever enough for them. Happy New Year!

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  16. Amy, thank you for this open and honest post. Seems you could read a lot into my little question. All I can manage to say at this time is thank you.

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  17. ALL OF YOU ABOVE EXCEPT KERRY AND ME. AMY IS THE REAL DEAL.

    GRANNY

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  18. you wear me out just listening to you on twitter...

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