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Monday, September 17, 2012

Tired of being Mom

Yep, you read that right. I'm tired of being Mom.

This is something that's been rattling around in my head for a few days now. And I'm going to try to explain myself before everyone gets all cranky with me and misunderstands what I'm trying to say - because I know that I can't be the only one out there who feels like this.

It dawned on me today when I went to do a load of laundry. I walked into the cluttered disaster area of the laundry room, made my way to the washer, opened it up and grabbed a handful of wet stuff to toss into the dryer. I opened up the dryer door only to find it crammed full of dry stuff. I let loose with a too-loud expletive and went to find a basket to throw the dry stuff into so that I could get the wet stuff into the dryer so that I could wash what I actually wanted to wash.

Honestly, it was all kid clothes in the washer and dryer. And all I wanted to do was wash my stuff. Mine. My laundry, that's been piling up for days on end, because it seems like the kids' stuff always needs to be done first - either because the girls "need" something to wear (sometimes the need is legit, sometimes it's not) or one of the boys had an accident and it stinks or someone's out of underwear. Whatever the reason, the kids' stuff always gets done first.

But then again, the kid stuff always gets put first, doesn't it? Because that's what parents do.

Before I get farther into this, let me just preface all of this by saying that I love my kids. I love them with all of my heart and I wouldn't give them up for the world. Seriously. I might complain sometimes a lot but I do love them. And I know that this is the life that I chose when I became a single mother. I'm well aware of that fact, so you don't need to point that one out to me.

Now sit back and relax because I'm going to complain vent. A lot. Because I need to get it off of my chest.

I'm a soccer mom, but without the soccer. Instead I'm a volleyball mom, a basketball mom, and a Scout mom.

I'm the cleaning mom, the laundry mom, the fix-it-when-it-breaks mom.

I'm the grocery shopping mom.

I'm the run-it-to-school-because-it-was-forgotten-and-it's-needed mom.

I'm the mom who attends every single one of the kids' functions, big or small.

I'm the mom who mops the floor multiple times every day just to keep from sticking to it.

I'm the late-night-mending-because-we-ripped-it-but-need-it-tomorrow mom.

I'm the mom who stays up entirely too late to get things done, and then gets up entirely too early to get it all finished because there just simply aren't enough hours in the day for me to get it all done.

I'm the sicker-than-a-dog mom who still has to get out of bed and do what needs to be done around this house, whether I've had any sleep or not.

There are times when it is just completely and totally overwhelming. And there are times when I know that if I don't do something - anything - for myself, I'm going to lose it. I've been so busy being Mom that I've forgotten what it's like to be Me.

So...I've been thinking....(I know, scary thought)...

I need to start doing things for myself. No, I'm not going to blow off the stuff that needs to be done for the kids, because realistically, if I did that, who would pick up the slack? It would just create more work for me in the long run - and that's what's gotten me to this point.

I was going to come up with a bucket list, but I need to do things NOW. Not just before I die, but NOW. I got to thinking that my birthday is in a few months, so maybe I could come up with 42 things to do before I turn 42 - but as I started making the list, I honestly couldn't come up with 42 things that didn't somehow involve doing things for the kids. And I'm being selfish here - these are things that I want to do for ME. Me and me only.

And with Daniel starting school full-time in 2 weeks, I'll actually have more time to myself to do some of these things. Some are silly, some are serious, but they are all things that I want to do.

1. Run a 5K. Not walk 3/4 of it. Run it. Or at least jog it.
2. Get to the point that I can go out and at least walk 13.1 miles (a half-marathon) a couple of times a month.
3. Go on a date with The Dude. Alone. With no kids. Just me and him - out somewhere, in public, together. We don't get to do that nearly enough.
4. Get a manicure. Not a do-it-myselfer. A real one.
5. Read a book. From start to finish.
6. Cook a meal - for me. Whatever I want with no complaints from anyone else.
7. Go bowling. I haven't gone in years, and I miss it. (Maybe combine with #3?)
8. Actually finish one of the many quilts that I have started.
9. Volunteer at the homeless shelter.
10. Actually take one of the quilt designs in my head, put it on paper, and then make it. And finish it.
11. Save enough money to get a new digital camera so that I don't have to use my crappy phone for all of my pictures.
12. Lose 25 more pounds.
13. Get new sneakers. That's going to have to happen within the next couple of weeks. No choice there.
14. Make a charity quilt. That's actually started - but I need to finish it.
15. Go hang out at the coffee shop once in a while, just to get out of the house.
16. Get the bikes fixed, and go for a bike ride. That one will necessitate getting past some fear, but I want to do it.
17. Get my kitchen chairs fixed. I keep putting it off, but it needs to be done. I want it to be done.
18. Go through all of my clothes and donate what I don't wear or need.
19. Get out and walk/jog at least 3 times per week - regardless of the weather or how crappy I feel.
20. Find and try at least one new recipe every week - whether the kids like it or not.
21. Start cooking ahead and freezing meals - if for no other reason than to reduce my stress.
22. Make the apron that I've designed and redesigned in my head at least a dozen times now.
23. Actually buy, fill out, and send Christmas cards this year.
24. Use the weights and exercise CDs that I have sitting around collecting dust.
25. Learn how to knit. Or crochet. Or maybe both.
26. Start making my own laundry detergent again. I've gotten lazy.
27. Organize the garage - because it really needs to be done.

That's a good start at least. And there are 118 days until my birthday. I wonder how many of these I can get done by then.....

46 comments:

  1. I think you can scratch off #11! Your phone takes better pics than my $300 camera. Plus, if you have a regular camera, the file sizes are SO much bigger, and it will take forever for them to upload. I was so excited when I got my camera, and when I realized that, I pretty much went back to using my phone... lol.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I miss my real camera. My phone does fine outside in natural light, but inside it's awful. And the zoom is horrible. I don't need anything big and fancy - just better than my phone!

      Delete
    2. Optimize the file size of the pictures that the camera takes. You can do that with a good digital.... Not sure about a $300 camera. But you can on mine and most semi-pro level digitals. Then if it still isn't small enough before you upload the photo file click on file size and resize it to 75dpi..... After you make a copy! I actually shot for maximum file size and them make copies that I resize for the internet. But then I shoot professionally too.

      Delete
    3. I actually didn't have too many problems uploading from my camera before it broke. I don't need anything big and fancy - just a camera.

      Plus, whenever I'm online, my phone is attached to the computer for my internet access. So I've been missing tons of pictures because of that... :(

      Delete
  2. I've got your back... on most of it, you certainly don't want me quilting or modeling any aprons... do you?

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    Replies
    1. You modeled a tutu, and you won't model and apron?

      Delete
    2. Hmm...I think that's the PERFECT job for you! ;)

      Delete
  3. Okay.. if Kerry models aprons, I want pics!

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  4. LOVE IT! Totally agree.... in more ways than you can ever imagine. If you aren't something other than "mom" once in a while, you don't have the energy to be the best "mom" you can be. You need YOU time!

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  5. NO ONE SHOULD EVER MENTION THE TUTU AGAIN... it's a kilt dang it!

    Why all the sudden interest in me and a apron? If ya'll want it, you'll have to earn it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tutu.

      I guess this means that I have to make the apron first.

      Delete
  6. That garage organizing doesn't count as "for you". The kids well get way too much use out of that... Hmmm.... Maybe make a brace and bungee system - with a lock - to contain your trash cans and lawn mower... That way the neighbor can't help himself to your yard. Yup.

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    Replies
    1. LOL! Actually, it would be for me. It's getting so piled up and cluttered in there that when I need to go in for something, it's a pain. I did some major organizing in there last summer, so I really just need to straighten it.

      Ugh. Neighbor.

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  7. It must be the age! I just turned 40 and feel exactly the same way! It's crazy how we always put ourselves last! I have finally been doing more stuff just for myself, and making my husband do more. Good luck with your list :)

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    Replies
    1. Maybe it is the age. I was out walking this morning and started to wonder if maybe I'm going through a mid-life crisis or something. LOL

      Delete
  8. Hi,

    Firtly, I have no idea how you do it as a single mum. And to 5. I feel very tired and stressed for you already. Full of admiration for you too. WHen my oldest daughter was born, in the resulting chaos, my husband and I wondered As we took shifts to nap) how on earth someone could do it alone and stay sane-even with the one.

    I have 2 girls (3 and 5). After the holidays-which were brilliant, the kids were super company- I felt absolutely bereft when they both went back to school. I thought it was time to get a life. I totally understand your sentiment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for coming by and for commenting - I really appreciate it!

      Probably my only saving grace is that the older 3 are only here half of the time - the other half, they're with their father, so I get a tiny little break. But then again, I find myself doing MORE on those days so I don't know if it's really a break or not...

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  9. Ames I just want to say something. My parents never came to a single school event. Not one. And they had a nanny. So no excuse for them. The fact that you're there for EVERYTHING is insanely awesome.

    You'll figure it all out in your own super organized way :)

    Just remember to stop and breath.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Cheryl! I run myself ragged getting everywhere - the only things that I miss are when the girls have games on the same day in different places, and luckily Ex1 and I can "divide and conquer" on those days to make sure that at least one of us is there. It just gets crazy at times, and sometimes overwhelming!

      Delete
  10. Thought this site might help with your freezer meals. It's one I've come across but haven't implemented use of myself yet, although I'd like to try.

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  11. http://www.ringaroundtherosies.net/2012/02/freezer-cooking.html

    I just realized I forgot to attach the link.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL I am definitely going to have to check that out! Thanks!

      Delete
  12. You're a great mom!!! Just found you today! Good for you to make a list - you can do it! Take time for you!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! Glad you stopped by and took the time to comment - I really appreciate it!

      Time for me is a hard concept to grasp, but I've got to do it or I'm going to lose my mind.

      Delete
  13. Replies
    1. Also,
      I had the very same moment.

      I am tired of being the mom, and the worker bee, and the 'on top of everything" person.

      I also have started doing 1 thing a week for me.
      And, I have noticed that things do not just fall by the way side, everything is still getting done.

      I know that Kerry will help you, because he seems like a great man. . . . . and the apron will keep him clean.... just saying.....

      You have to be YOU... in order to be a great MOM for them.
      *I hope that makes sense*

      Delete
    2. That makes perfect sense, and it's just something that I have to get through my thick head once in a while.

      And yes, there will be pictures of him modeling the apron. I can guarantee that.

      Delete
  14. I just read this in a magazine article yesterday..."Making time for you is not selfish. You have to take care of yourself in order to help others". It went on to say that women are the best at making themselves feel quilty about this. I am trying to do better, treat yourself kindly. You AND your children will be better for it.
    Hugs, Beth

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much Beth! I really appreciate it. I've been getting better at doing an occasional thing for me - but I think the time has come that I have to make more of an effort to do it.

      Delete
  15. I feel your pain, and I've only got three kids. We did one thing to simplify, and that was to put the older two kids in charge of their own laundry by the time they were about eight. It's one less thing. It took a bit of time to train them to use the machine, but it was worth it!

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    Replies
    1. I've been making the girls take more responsibility for their laundry - sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't! LOL

      Delete
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  17. Im a single mom too and today like you I feel so tired being a mom and the only parent to my daughter..Thank you for your blog..it made me feel better that I am not the only one feeling this way...

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  18. I am so tired of being a mom, I feel like I've made the dumbest decision of my life and I'll be trapped until I die. I love my son, but I'm starting to think I'm just not mother material.

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  19. I feel the EXACT same way im tired of being a mother sometimes I feel like I musta been on drugs on making the decision to have a child its terrible and other people feel bad for the child don't feel bad for the child feel bad for the parent because until you become one you don't know the half of it

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  20. OMG I feel the same way eveything you named I do like twenty tines a day. I clean the floors with the steam spray mop bc it disinfects(it's important when you have toddlers) cook n clean. I feel like the black cinderella. I have been a single mom since I was 21. I have three kids I had my daughter who is the youngest 2012. I am so beat. Now I didn't want to be a single mom but he didn't want the whole family marriage thing n i tried to hang in there but it was just time waisted. I love my kids but my 20s gone 30s almost gone I'm almost 34 n i been in the army for over ten years as a single mom it hasnt been easy bc I have to start from rock bottom for full time employment now. I rember when I wanted to be a pediatrician before I even dreamed of having kids now I'm just living paycheck to paycheck. Your blog hit it on the nail bc I feel you and the stress. I haven't had a decent date in two years I don't care about dating n stuff but having some me time is nice but I barely get sleep. I get so tired of married ppl saying your better of being single girl. I want to slap them sorry but I'm like why would you say that to me. You have a husband who pays all the bills runs your bath water etc n I'd rather not be married yea okkkkk. I walk away bc I can't stand hearing it. Now I will work and pay my bills on my own I don't want no man that isn't my man or husband doing things for me bc then they will feel like they own me n can tell me what to do but they don't want a relationship with me or offer to help me wit the kids but just tell me how they think I can do better financially if they offer they paycheck. Thanks but no thanks. I'm sorry for venting bur I need to meet a single dad where yall at. Did I mention my mom n dad we never there for me I'm adopted n i was blessed to have my own family but at times I feel like I'm too pooped to be a mom anymore or how am I gonna make sure I have enough pullups n babywipes versus paying a bill or putting food on the table. I pray to GOD about all of this. If someone knows of any resources for a veteran who has been in the army all this time and it feels like I did it for nothing bc I'm at the bottom of the food chain job market world then send me that information please. I'm always reading on ways I can relieve the stress make more money and be more successful I just get tired of living paycheck to paycheck income changes n creditors don't care. I turned the phone off got tired of hearing it ring n ring when I am trying to sleep. I ramble alot but thanks for the blog and keep your head up. I would like to know how you are doing now and if you have any suggestions for me bc I am loosing my mind sometimes.

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  21. Glad to hear I'm not the only one. What happened to ME?? My husband works, that's it. I'm tired , irritated, not heard, and bored.

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  22. Yes, I would love just an hour a day for myself, maybe 2! I get up at 3:30am for work and get back at 9 am. My husband then goes to work and gets home at 6:30p. My child is barely 2, I only have one. I am amazed at anyone who can juggle more than 1 child. I dont agree in putting my child in daycare so someone else can raise her, but somedays I wish I wasnt so convicted about that. Before I was a married mommy, I used to spend hours meditating. I got married at 32, had her at 34, so I started my family late, and no I wouldnt change anything. Just wish I had a break. I think I will get one when she is older! Ha. Keep hanging in there everybody and try to do something nice for yourself every day. Peace.

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  23. I found this by googling "mom tired of doing everything for everybody." That pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm not a single mom, and I have mad respect for anyone who is. I cannot even imagine. I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. It just never stops you know? There's maybe an hour or 2 max each day to unwind, destress, do anything but take care of kids and you have to sacrifice sleep to get it. I hope that things have gotten better for the rest of you.

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  25. I found this by googling "mom tired of doing everything for everybody." That pretty much sums up how I feel. I'm not a single mom, and I have mad respect for anyone who is. I cannot even imagine. I have a 2 year old and a 3 month old. It just never stops you know? There's maybe an hour or 2 max each day to unwind, destress, do anything but take care of kids and you have to sacrifice sleep to get it. I hope that things have gotten better for the rest of you.

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  26. I feel a little bit better because I feel like I'm going to snap I'm a single mom and I want to sit down and cry

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  27. I feel a little bit better because I feel like I'm going to snap I'm a single mom and I want to sit down and cry

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  28. Through my teens and twenties I always knew I didn't want kids. Spent time in the military, got married and pregnant. I honestly thought that since I was "married" I couldn't possibly have an abortion. WRONG, totally could have. Their father is the most self centered narcissist and can't trust him to raise a fly. Had they had a "better" dad he could have probably raised them. Unfortunately most men are POSs when it comes to raising kids. I don't understand WHY women keep getting pregnant. They are 18 now, have everything they want and need provided by me. I've lost myself.

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