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Tuesday, November 13, 2012

The universe won't. shut. up.

I don't know what's going on around me lately. I swear, the universe is yelling at me and it won't stop. It's sending all sorts of messages to me and it's trying to tell me what to do - and I don't like it.

What am I talking about?

Pull up a chair and relax - this might take a while, because I have a feeling that I might end up rambling a bit.

We all know that I have said many many many times that I will never get married again. I even went a little farther after I wrote that post, and wrote one the next day with even more reasons why I won't do it again.

And so far, I've stuck to that. I still say that I will never get married again. Twice was enough.

But you know, I have this amazing guy in my life. And I love him. A lot. And we talk about things. A lot. He knows me better than just about anyone else in the world, and he knows how my brain works (which is scary). Sometimes he can even tell me what I'm thinking even before I realize it.

We talk about things like we are married. He's looking to get rid of his van, and even found a truck that he can get in its place - but he wouldn't make the decision until I saw the truck too. Whenever there's a big event coming up, we talk about it with each other before we make the decision to go either alone or as a couple. We run things past each other to get input on whatever it is almost constantly. We've talked about moving in together, and we've even looked at a house before (although that ended up not working out as we had hoped).

But I still don't want to get married again.

Apparently, the universe has other ideas.

Every time I turn around, there's an ad like this one on my facebook page. Now, I understand that the ads are usually related to things that you've talked about or things that you've searched for - I did a search the other day for flash drives, and I'm getting flooded with ads for those now. I can understand that in a "Big Brother is watching me" kind of way - because I've searched for flash drives. But I've never searched out engagement rings. Or wedding rings. Or rings. Or anything related to weddings or marriage or anything. Yet, these ads are there. All. the. time.

Of course, we still run into the random strangers that assume that we're married. It happened to us again the other day - I don't even remember where we were this time, but again - it happened.

The kids - they know how I feel about marriage in general. But they still throw it out there occasionally. "Hey Mom, when are you guys going to get married??" Of course, they usually end up grounded after broaching the subject. (Kidding.)

Then last night.... The Dude came over, and we were both hungry. So he decided to run out and grab us some food. I told him that I didn't really care what he got so he left. When he came back with the convenient economy-sized bag of food from Taco Bell, he made some comment about "Taco Bell and lifestyle choices" or something like that. I asked him what he was talking about and he told me just to sit down and eat my food and I'd see it. So I sat down on the couch and started pulling the food out of the bag. I grabbed a handful of the sauces and glanced at them, and then remembered that they started putting little sayings on the labels.

Yeah, little sayings. That's it.



Ok, Universe - what are you trying to tell me?

The Dude and I got a good laugh out of these - and of course I had to be goofy and immediately post it to my facebook page. Apparently people know me better than I thought because no one really jumped to conclusions about it. But anyway, he and I were talking while we were eating and watching a movie, and he said that he bet that there was some schmuck out there who actually used Taco Bell sauce packets to propose (do a search on YouTube - he's right). I told him about the two proposals that I've had in the past - one was with a credit card (in place of the ring, which we used the card to buy that night) and one was over the phone. Anyway, we joked about them, we laughed, and we let it go.

But I admitted to him later - and I'm admitting it now - that while I still don't want to get married again, I'm slowly getting used to the idea that it MIGHT happen eventually.

Don't get excited. We're talking years from now. There are a lot of reasons why we should NOT get married at this point - I mean, besides the fact that I don't want to do it. Yes, most of the reasons are financial, and that might sound selfish on both of our parts, but at the same time by keeping those financial things at the forefront, we are also making sure that the main priority - the kids - are provided for to the best of our abilities. We're still talking about moving in together and we're starting to make more concrete plans for that, but even that's not going to happen until next summer (unless one of us happens to hit the lottery or something).

So I say to the universe - I hear you. I get the message. Shut up and let me figure it out on my own time, ok? I don't need you to poke me or prod me or give me little hints. I understand. The walls are coming down, but they don't need to come down all at once and bury me under the rubble, ok? Let me get used to the idea first. Give me a few months years decades time.

At least I'm willing to admit that it might happen. That's a step, right?

18 comments:

  1. Ha! The straw is breaking the camels back, one piece at a time. Before you know it, you'll be in vegas.

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    1. Nah, no Vegas. Seriously, that's one place that I've never really had the desire to go to - unless it's to go see a high school friend of mine who lives in the area and goes on these amazing hikes and posts the most gorgeous pictures. I'll go to see her - but not to go to "Vegas".

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  2. Ha! The straw is breaking the camels back, one piece at a time. Before you know it, you'll be in vegas.

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  3. :) See, I told you that it could possibly happen. :P And I told you to never say never. <3 I love you and The Dude (though I've never met him....yet) and I know that things will happen in the manner that they are supposed to. :)

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    1. I still say never.....right now. But it could change at some point. Many years down the road.

      Love you too!

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  4. While I have never met you in person, or The Dude (this ALWAYS makes me think of Big Lebowski), I understand your points for not wanting to get married again. Especially the financial points. However, there is little difference in getting the piece of paper that says you're married, and living in a committed relationship with each other. You can do all the things together that you can do as a married couple without having to sign that paper. ... Just food for thought.

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  5. I've decided not to wade into this one... simply... the Dude abides.

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    1. WHAT?!?! You're not going to say anything? ;)

      I love you, babe.

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    2. I KNEW YOU'D AT LEAST TALK ABOUT IT. TO HAVE THE CHILDREN LOVE THE DUDE THAT MUCH, YOUR A LUCKY LADY. SOUND LIKE HE'S NOT AFRAID OF WORK AND TO LOVE THE KIDS THAT'S A PLUS. GOD HAS IT ALL ROLLING YOUR WAY. YOU'VE COME ALONG WAY SINCE I'VE MET YOU ON THE ROSS BLOG. EVEN I HAVE ENJOYED THE RIDE.I WILL PRAY THAT YOU DO THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.GOD IS ALWAY IN CONTROL. HE BROUGHT KERRY TO YOU.IT WILL ALWAY WORK OUT IN THE END.YOUR A VERY LUCKY GAL TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE KERRY IN YOUR LIFE.
      GRANNY

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    3. Yeah, we talk about it - but that's it at this point. I have not agreed to anything, and as of right now, I'm still sticking with "never".

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  6. My first marriage was a total disaster and bust! It caused horrible "walls and fortresses" inside my kids and I. I stood firm that I would never remarry - dating, living together is totally different than marriage - I can walk away from you without that stupid paper. . . you will NOT hold it over my head! - blah blah blah - I'm married again - 8 years. We are crazy, he proposed with a shower crayon - wrote it on my back and I had to get out and ask my best friend to "read my back to me" - "Babe" and I had been friends and off and on "buddies" for over 10 years - and had lived together as room mates off and on forever - then marriage came - no male friends - divorce came - back to male friends - and I went back to the friends I knew really loved me and decided maybe this time was different - people assumed my kids were his because he took them and did things with them (even though the youngest was just a couple months old) and ta da - I said yes to the crayon - and here we are. Never is a long time.

    But, as long as you and "The Dude" are okay with where you are and what you are doing - screw the universe and what it says - your doing for YOU and that's the best thing you can do for you AND your monkeys!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shower crayon. That. is. awesome. LOL

      This whole thing has been crazy, considering that I never even wanted to get into a relationship again. But here we are, almost a year later and I'm easily happier than I've ever been in my life. It's crazy. But it works. And I see no reason to have to make it "official" unless WE want to do it.

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  7. =)

    All things happen when they are supposed to.
    It is not when WE want them...

    Just saying.
    Sometimes the plan WE have is not the plan HE (points up) has.

    Congratulations on considering a wonderful thing with a wonderful man... eventually. ;)

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    1. Eventually is right. In a very very very long time. Very long. Way long. Looooooooonnnnnnnggg.......

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  8. oxoxo sounds beautiful hun and i love those sauce packets <3 oh ps ur award winning! http://www.chewylicious.com/blog-post-long-overdue-awards-thankyou/

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    1. Aw, thanks for the award! I am absolutely horrible about sending those on, but I will do my best to get it done at some point! :)

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  9. Awesome post. I think the universe is trying to tell me the same thing. I've been married and divorced once, my boyfriend has been engaged twice but never married. We have 2 children together so whatever it's like we are already married. Life is short and there is no promise of time. My mom was twice divorced when she married my dad (step-dad who raised me), he had never been married. Keep this in mind.... isn't a man who is willing to be a father to your children is worth being a spouse to you? Good luck to you and the Dude!

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